The Gift is in the Experience

I've been reading a lot about happiness lately, and something I read really struck me. We find more happiness in experiences rather than material goods. The new outfit, electronic gadget, car, etc makes us temporarily happy, but does not affect long term satisfaction. We get used to new things and adjust to them. Soon, the new possession is not all that exciting anymore. This makes a lot of sense to me because when I look back on my life thus far, I fondly remember experiences, not stuff. I can't tell you details about toys I had as a kid, but I can tell you about trips I took and adventures I had. These are the things I remember.

This has caused me to think a lot about what my husband and I can offer my stepdaughter when she is with us. For some time, I have been very intentional about what we do with her. I don't like unstructured time all that much. When my stepdaughter stays with us, I feel it is best for us to have something to do; otherwise, the alternative is usually to watch tv or for her to play by herself, which she doesn't like to do very much. My readings on happiness have really confirmed this approach I take to time with my stepdaughter. I plan to do a specific craft or go on a fun outing. I am trying to choose activities and outings that we both enjoy, so the time feels valuable for both of us. Luckily, my stepdaughter and I have quite a few interests in common--we like to read and visit the library, we both enjoy crafts, and we like to bake sweets!

I have reflected a lot on how we spend our time, and I have tried to choose activities that she doesn't do a lot with her mom. I don't want her to feel torn ever, and I like to create traditions that are new to us. For example, going to the library to read and check out books is a tradition that is unique to my stepdaughter and me.

In our consumer-driven society, we often receive messages and pressures to buy kids lots of things. We are made to feel that this is how you show love and care. It is tempting to go this route--it is certainly easier than spending quality time together. But, when I think about what has brought me joy in my life and helped me developed loving relationships with family and friends, I think about the experiences not the stuff. So, part of my role is to create new traditions with my stepdaughter and find experiences that both of us can enjoy.